To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Kind Of.

So I recently read this book entitled “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”, and its sequel “P.S. I Still Love You.” It’s about a girl, Lara Jean, who wrote 5 secret love letters to boys and they all got sent out to them. That’s basically where the story is based on, but it’s also about sisters. ‘To All The Boys’ was such an impulse buy and it was worth it. I finished it in 8 hours, which was a first for me, and it was ridiculous. I just couldn’t put it down. (Get into it if you’re a sucker for YA kaartehan lol)

But I’m not really here to talk about the book.

I’m here to talk about all the boys I’ve loved before. Kind of.

In the middle of reading ‘P.S. I Still Love You,’ I was wondering why I was so attached to this series, and then I realized that it’s partly because I’ve also written long-ass letters to boys. But unlike Lara Jean, I don’t have letters that I’ve written and just kept for myself. Whenever I wrote a letter, it was always with a purpose and I had to give it.

If my memory serves me right, I’ve written letters to 6 boys. A boyfriend, a couple of crushes, and guy friends. The letters I wrote to friends, I still consider those love letters, because as cheesy as it sounds, they were written out of love. They were just as special. This was more than 10 years ago. I don’t even remember more than half of what I wrote them, but I’m pretty sure they were long ones because that’s just what I did. When I start writing a letter, sometimes I just feel like I can go on forever. It was always a letter with a purpose. It was always a letter to tell you how I felt.

“I’m so proud of you!”
“I’m disappointed in you.”
“I love you.”

I can’t even imagine how embarrassed I would be if one of them actually kept it and then sent it back to me just for fun. I would die. I don’t want to know what I said/felt at that time. I feel like I’ve put a little piece of my heart in every one of those letters I wrote and it’d just be too intense lol.

I love letters. To me, they are tangible feelings that you can give to people. It’s like, “Here are my feelings for you. They’re yours. Keep them.” I think that’s such a precious gift to give and to receive. It’s actual proof that once upon a time you felt a certain way about someone, and I feel like in that aspect it might even be better than a photograph.

I don’t know where those letters are now. I don’t even talk to most of those boys anymore. Not the same way, at least, and that’s just life. Sometimes some people are the most special for a certain period of time, and then they’re not.

But who knows? One day they might be doing some general cleaning and they just happen to stumble upon my letter. They might not care or they might be glad to read it again, and that’s okay with me.

To all the boys I’ve loved before:

Thank you for being a part of my life. If I’ve written you a long, heartfelt letter once upon a time, then you have been one of the special ones. One of the special ones that was worth the time and effort. Sorry if the letters were cheesy. Trust me, nothing much has changed. Whatever version of me you have in those letters, they are yours to keep.


P.S. If you still have the letters, please don’t send them back to me. TYSM.

Coming Home

hello world

Hi. Hello. It’s me. Everything’s been pretty okay, I guess. This is a little awkward.

I’m finally on Summer break, which is something I’m really looking forward to just because I want to get things done.

1. Make art that’s not graded.

I’ve been in school for about a year and a half, and even with all the frustrations, it’s been pretty good. I love learning and being around the creatives, but this last semester I really felt disconnected with the things I’ve been doing. Our midterms for Web Design class was to make a simple online portfolio. So, of course, in doing this I had to check out my already existing portfolio and there were some works that I still felt connected to. Those were the ones I remember making because I felt a certain way at that time and I realized that I don’t really feel that way about the projects I’ve been doing. I’m literally just doing them because they’re required. I mean, they turned out okay, but there was no heart, it wasn’t personal.

I really should be taking summer classes because I’m “old” and I have to finish school, but I really don’t want to compromise my love for design. I don’t wanna just keep doing things just because. I need to get my mindset back to creating things that make sense. And that’s what I want to do this summer.

2. Tweet less, blog more.

This is probably a long shot, but I’m gonna try to do it. Even just for the “big things.” If you follow me on Twitter you know that I be up on your feed all the damn time. I’m sorry (especially for all the jologs tweets that y’all didn’t sign up for). But my main reason for trying to do this is because my mind has been constrained to 140 character statements, and sometimes I want to explore those thoughts more but I can’t because I find that I can only do that when I start writing it down physically. Like, with pen and paper. Which is also something I’d like to do more, but let’s stick to blogging first. At least typing it out on Notes rather than straight on Twitter.

3. Take nicer photos and videos.

I’m basically a memory hoarder so this is pretty doable, but I just need to practice doing it more on my new camera. I recently got a Fujifilm X-A2 (uy pang blogger na talaga) and I really want to utilize it. I don’t want to take “tita shots” but sometimes I still do lels. This new camera is gonna force me to look at things differently and that’s what I’m excited about. I haven’t done that in a while.

4. Write letters.

The last time I wrote a real letter was when I sent my best friend a package for her birthday and I forgot how much I love writing letters. Somehow, in this age of instant messaging, you can’t really write something without thinking about what the other person will think. We wait for that bubble to come up and  tell us that they’re writing a reply, and sometimes I don’t really want to know. I just want to tell you this and that’s it. That’s what I’m aiming for. I want to be able to write letters to people just because. And if they write back, that’s great. If not, then that’s okay, too. I just want to be able to say real and important things again because I don’t think I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. We’re all looking for that real conversation in this world full of small talk, and I want to be able to be that conversation for someone.

5. Make time for people.

Everyone’s busy. We all have lives and different priorities, and sometimes life just happens. But it’s also important to make time for people who matter. We all need a break sometimes, and I’d love to spend that time with people who help me grow and people who support me in whatever I set my mind to. Sometimes you get sucked into everything that life throws your way and it’s just nice to stay grounded and be reminded that you’re not alone and you have other people who are willing to listen.

6. Faith.

This has been going on for a really long time now, and I’d like to think I do okay with the faith thing, I just don’t think it’s good enough. My thought is always, “there must be more than this.” And there is. I just can’t seem to find it yet. So I really want to make an effort this summer to actually start that lifelong journey because honestly, hirap na hirap na akong magsimba, fam. God is just not there for me, he’s somewhere else. And I’m gonna leave it at that because there’s really nothing more I can say about it.

I mean, I guess with everything that’s on this list, the main thing I wanna do is go back to basics. I just wanna come home.

Alternate Movie Poster

We were tasked to create an alternate version of a movie of our choice, and it wasn’t really a hard decision to make. The Perks of Being a Wallflower holds a very special place in my heart. I still haven’t had the courage to watch it again.

Arkoncel 3 - MOVIE POSTER

So anyway, my prof initially didn’t like my final poster just because the photo was disoriented, but after I explained to her that that was my intention, she understood. Although, I think she still secretly doesn’t like it lol but that’s okay because I do. I made this poster in an hour but I spent 2 days asking people for their opinions just because I couldn’t believe that it took me an hour to make it.

Here are other versions of my poster. I was told that they looked more like book covers than movie posters, but that’s okay! I still like them anyway haha!

Which one do you like best? :)

Awareness Shirt

Arkoncel 5 - MMA1 SHIRT A

This shirt design was for a project about creating awareness for youth depression. I rarely do illustrations of people because… well I don’t know, really haha! It’s just a little hard for me. It took me a while to accept that my drawing style is the cartoony  kind, but I think it turned out pretty okay.

My prof told me that I maybe I should change one of the girls to a boy (or maybe just not make them people at all) so it would be more relatable to more people, but I really didn’t want to. My idea was really 2 girls helping each other out because I wanted my design to promote “girl power” or women empowerment. Girls helping each other out. So, ultimately, I decided to keep it and I think it was a good choice. :)

I’m on break


I’m on “break” right now, so I am going to use this time to share some of my projects this past semester. It’s been a crazy sem, but I think I’ve produced some good work.

I told you guys I suck at this.