Coming Home

hello world

Hi. Hello. It’s me. Everything’s been pretty okay, I guess. This is a little awkward.

I’m finally on Summer break, which is something I’m really looking forward to just because I want to get things done.

1. Make art that’s not graded.

I’ve been in school for about a year and a half, and even with all the frustrations, it’s been pretty good. I love learning and being around the creatives, but this last semester I really felt disconnected with the things I’ve been doing. Our midterms for Web Design class was to make a simple online portfolio. So, of course, in doing this I had to check out my already existing portfolio and there were some works that I still felt connected to. Those were the ones I remember making because I felt a certain way at that time and I realized that I don’t really feel that way about the projects I’ve been doing. I’m literally just doing them because they’re required. I mean, they turned out okay, but there was no heart, it wasn’t personal.

I really should be taking summer classes because I’m “old” and I have to finish school, but I really don’t want to compromise my love for design. I don’t wanna just keep doing things just because. I need to get my mindset back to creating things that make sense. And that’s what I want to do this summer.

2. Tweet less, blog more.

This is probably a long shot, but I’m gonna try to do it. Even just for the “big things.” If you follow me on Twitter you know that I be up on your feed all the damn time. I’m sorry (especially for all the jologs tweets that y’all didn’t sign up for). But my main reason for trying to do this is because my mind has been constrained to 140 character statements, and sometimes I want to explore those thoughts more but I can’t because I find that I can only do that when I start writing it down physically. Like, with pen and paper. Which is also something I’d like to do more, but let’s stick to blogging first. At least typing it out on Notes rather than straight on Twitter.

3. Take nicer photos and videos.

I’m basically a memory hoarder so this is pretty doable, but I just need to practice doing it more on my new camera. I recently got a Fujifilm X-A2 (uy pang blogger na talaga) and I really want to utilize it. I don’t want to take “tita shots” but sometimes I still do lels. This new camera is gonna force me to look at things differently and that’s what I’m excited about. I haven’t done that in a while.

4. Write letters.

The last time I wrote a real letter was when I sent my best friend a package for her birthday and I forgot how much I love writing letters. Somehow, in this age of instant messaging, you can’t really write something without thinking about what the other person will think. We wait for that bubble to come up and  tell us that they’re writing a reply, and sometimes I don’t really want to know. I just want to tell you this and that’s it. That’s what I’m aiming for. I want to be able to write letters to people just because. And if they write back, that’s great. If not, then that’s okay, too. I just want to be able to say real and important things again because I don’t think I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. We’re all looking for that real conversation in this world full of small talk, and I want to be able to be that conversation for someone.

5. Make time for people.

Everyone’s busy. We all have lives and different priorities, and sometimes life just happens. But it’s also important to make time for people who matter. We all need a break sometimes, and I’d love to spend that time with people who help me grow and people who support me in whatever I set my mind to. Sometimes you get sucked into everything that life throws your way and it’s just nice to stay grounded and be reminded that you’re not alone and you have other people who are willing to listen.

6. Faith.

This has been going on for a really long time now, and I’d like to think I do okay with the faith thing, I just don’t think it’s good enough. My thought is always, “there must be more than this.” And there is. I just can’t seem to find it yet. So I really want to make an effort this summer to actually start that lifelong journey because honestly, hirap na hirap na akong magsimba, fam. God is just not there for me, he’s somewhere else. And I’m gonna leave it at that because there’s really nothing more I can say about it.

I mean, I guess with everything that’s on this list, the main thing I wanna do is go back to basics. I just wanna come home.

2 Comments

  1. God is there for you. Maybe He’s been quiet lang and He wants you to seek Him more. There are Christians (and other friends) who are here for you as well.

    I’m not a religious person or anything but these have helped me with my faith. It might do the same for you. Try downloading the Solid Joys app, Devotion app, SheReadsTruth app or check out the SheReadsTruth website. Sometimes church isn’t enough so you gotta dig deeper. Hope you’re doing alright. 🙂

    *You can delete this after reading

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