To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Kind Of.

So I recently read this book entitled “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”, and its sequel “P.S. I Still Love You.” It’s about a girl, Lara Jean, who wrote 5 secret love letters to boys and they all got sent out to them. That’s basically where the story is based on, but it’s also about sisters. ‘To All The Boys’ was such an impulse buy and it was worth it. I finished it in 8 hours, which was a first for me, and it was ridiculous. I just couldn’t put it down. (Get into it if you’re a sucker for YA kaartehan lol)

But I’m not really here to talk about the book.

I’m here to talk about all the boys I’ve loved before. Kind of.

In the middle of reading ‘P.S. I Still Love You,’ I was wondering why I was so attached to this series, and then I realized that it’s partly because I’ve also written long-ass letters to boys. But unlike Lara Jean, I don’t have letters that I’ve written and just kept for myself. Whenever I wrote a letter, it was always with a purpose and I had to give it.

If my memory serves me right, I’ve written letters to 6 boys. A boyfriend, a couple of crushes, and guy friends. The letters I wrote to friends, I still consider those love letters, because as cheesy as it sounds, they were written out of love. They were just as special. This was more than 10 years ago. I don’t even remember more than half of what I wrote them, but I’m pretty sure they were long ones because that’s just what I did. When I start writing a letter, sometimes I just feel like I can go on forever. It was always a letter with a purpose. It was always a letter to tell you how I felt.

“I’m so proud of you!”
“I’m disappointed in you.”
“I love you.”

I can’t even imagine how embarrassed I would be if one of them actually kept it and then sent it back to me just for fun. I would die. I don’t want to know what I said/felt at that time. I feel like I’ve put a little piece of my heart in every one of those letters I wrote and it’d just be too intense lol.

I love letters. To me, they are tangible feelings that you can give to people. It’s like, “Here are my feelings for you. They’re yours. Keep them.” I think that’s such a precious gift to give and to receive. It’s actual proof that once upon a time you felt a certain way about someone, and I feel like in that aspect it might even be better than a photograph.

I don’t know where those letters are now. I don’t even talk to most of those boys anymore. Not the same way, at least, and that’s just life. Sometimes some people are the most special for a certain period of time, and then they’re not.

But who knows? One day they might be doing some general cleaning and they just happen to stumble upon my letter. They might not care or they might be glad to read it again, and that’s okay with me.

To all the boys I’ve loved before:

Thank you for being a part of my life. If I’ve written you a long, heartfelt letter once upon a time, then you have been one of the special ones. One of the special ones that was worth the time and effort. Sorry if the letters were cheesy. Trust me, nothing much has changed. Whatever version of me you have in those letters, they are yours to keep.


P.S. If you still have the letters, please don’t send them back to me. TYSM.

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